Don't Cry For Me Argentina

I thought it would be somewhat appropriate to take this opportunity to clear up a few misconceptions about myself:

First, I'm not from the South. Nor am I from the Northeast. I'm from the cold and cruel arctic tundra of the Upper Midwest, on the border with French Canada. And yes, my heart remains as frozen as the igloo I was born in. People from my region are built of a bit sterner stuff than most other Americans, and we've been taught not to roll over and die in the face of adversity, as otherwise we would never have made it past infancy.

Second, I'm half Scottish. It's been joked that attempted murder is the Scottish way of saying "hello". We are a very war-like and unruly people, who value freedom and independence. Five millennia of barbarian rule has also made us quite crafty, as well as servants of our own intuition, which has taught us to never trust anyone, ever.

Third, I'm half African-American. Skin color is in and of itself a meaningless distinction, but human bigotry tends to lend it significance. And that there is even such a thing as an African-American after a half millennium of brutality at the hands of the rest of this continent is testament to our adept social survival skills. We know when to lay low, when to speak up, when to be obsequious, when to be commanding, and pretty much how to behave for any occasion. We are also cautious, careful, and show the utmost prudence, because otherwise we would be dead.

Fourth, I hail from a family of doctors. One thing they never tell you about the medical profession is that it not only teaches you how to save lives, but how to take them as well. And on a bad day, many physicians will become like the Grim Reaper himself, with very little to stand in their way as they ruin one life after another. Those are the people who I grew up with, and those are the people whose company I survived.

Fifth, I'm an artist. I enjoy creativity, not destructiveness. And yet, the greatest butchers in human history have had profound creative potential, which they squandered on vindictiveness instead of constructive compassion. It's a choice every person of great power faces, and it's in humanity's best interest to convince them to show deference towards others.

And sixth, I share the same personality type as Adolf Hitler, Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela, Mother Teresa, Robert Mugabe, Osama Bin Laden, and many other highly controversial historical figures who teetered atop the moral fence, eventually toppling to one side or the other. People like me often have lofty ambitions, as well as the ability to competently see them through to fruition. It makes others very frightened of us, which leads to our persecution, often having counterproductive and self-fulfilling results.

All of this constitutes who I was, am, and will be. I'm too old at this point to change my ways, nor do I particularly care to. If having learned this you vehemently hate me and want me dead, I really wouldn't blame you. But everyone deserves a chance to prevail in this life, and as this world has yet to grant me mine, I feel somewhat entitled to my own survival, at least until such time as the world treats my kind like the human beings we so obviously are.

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