Accusations of foolishness against me have steadily grown over the years, to the point where they have become a veritable chorus. And today I want everyone to know that I hear you all, and find myself in no position to rebut your disapproval.
Truth be told, I admit to being a fool. It's become too obvious to deny at this point. I have turned down too many gorgeous women over the years, from my first days of adulthood until my current foray into middle age. And many people have begun to wonder what could possibly be wrong with me.
Am I gay? Or some sort of deviant? Am I even capable of romance? Or am I so lost in egotism as to be completely asexual?
To begin with, those who know me best have repeatedly – and correctly – accused me of perfectionism. I find flaws in everything and everyone, including myself, and it truly bothers me. As the old saying goes: "The Perfect is the enemy of the Good".
I have also been told that I embody obsessive-compulsive traits. That is to say, I'm not easily dissuaded from delving back into pursuits that I feel I have failed in some way at. And such fervent and overzealous persistence absorbs most of my free time.
Lastly, I have been accurately called a fatalist. I place a high degree of moral certainty in the belief that things unfold as they were always meant to, and that fighting against one's destiny is a waste of effort.
Putting those three things together – perfectionism, obsessive compulsion, and fatalism – creates a man who is a nightmare to become close to. And from a young age, that has been the feedback I have received from those who squandered their time on me.
Those traits thoroughly doom me to a life of solitude. But they also render me somewhat comfortable with my fate, leaving me with little reason to alter the course my life has taken.
So to reiterate: no, I'm not hopelessly eccentric. Nor am I a rabid narcissist. I'm simply someone who tries, perhaps a little too hard at times, to get things right, and who has trouble making promises that he feels unable to fulfill.
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