Numb

Many have been wondering, whether publicly or privately, why I no longer enjoy speaking terms with a handful of my family members. Truth be told, I don't completely understand it myself. But to the extent that I do, I will explain my actions.

First of all, this question has become conflated over the years with a similar question: whether I love my family. The answer to that question is an unequivocal "yes", to the extent that any one person can love another.

But my love for others is not the primary issue here. One can always love another from afar. The Good Lord in heaven does so on a daily basis. So just because I love a person, it does not follow that I should be emotionally or physically close to them.

The true question is whether or not I should seek reconciliation with such people. And my unfortunate answer to that question is that, even if I fully and completely forgave them, such intimacy is not within my powers to resurrect.

Before redemption is even possible, a person must first convey a sense of remorse for their past misbehavior. Barring that, there can be no reconciliation; only surrender. It would be akin to Constantinople flinging open its gates, and inviting the besieging Ottomans in.

If a person does not even feel sorry for how they have mistreated you, how can they possibly ever be trusted again? Such a decision would carry with it the eternal mark of vacuity, for you would have enticed your nemesis to once more heinously betray you without consequence.

No. One chance at friendship is all a mortal being can be entrusted with, and it is all we really deserve. If a previous adversary truly wants to convey that they have permanently changed their disposition, let them prove it first. Let them cross oceans and climb mountains to demonstrate their devotion. Failing that, let them move on, and find new meaning in life apart from their thinly veiled hatred of those they have brutalized.